confessions, baby aisle, broken hearts and undapants

So I have a confession to make... I am terrified of the baby care aisle at department stores. I should seek counseling, I know, but that's expensive. This is my counseling (and it's far cheaper than the real deal).

Anyway, there are deep reasons causing my baby aisle terror. That whole theme is a subject for another post (or maybe never :). Anyway, I guess it's enough to say that I'm twenty-stinkin'-five with no baby, no husband, no boyfriend and no prospects. (Hence all the time blogging.) And it probably sounds dumb, but I really want a baby. There's something in my biology that calls out to have one. May just have something to do with my age... Or it could have something to do with my ex-whatever-he-was getting his other ex prego less than 2 weeks after we broke up. (I know, I know... dodged a bullet!) I guess there's something in me that wanted that baby. She's seven months old now and I just saw pictures of her today and she's adorable and... there's really nothing more to say.

So yeah, that's all I want to say about that situation... ever. Ok, well, maybe not ever, but for now...

But onto the real topic of this post: me--having to go in the baby aisle without having a panic attack. You see, my brother and sister-in-law are going to have a baby in September. I'm going to be an aunty for the first time and I'm stinkin' excited!!! But that still doesn't make visits to the baby aisle any easier...

I went in... I perused. I breathed into a paper bag. I picked up cute little things. I got outa' there!

I survived.

I can shop in the baby aisle without having an anxiety attack.

That deserved to be rewarded, so I went over to the chica's cuteness aisle (aka undergarments and sleepwear) and looked at the bras, the undapants (saying undapants is 40% funnier than saying underwear), the jammies... everything. It's one of my coping mechanisms--buying undapants. After a long, stressful day at work or a difficult shop in the baby aisle nothing makes me feel better than buying myself some cutie-patutie undies! (Well, buying some darling shoes would, but that's out of my budget.)

I grabbed an adorable pack of Hanes hipster boycut undies in perfect brown and pink. I had to have them! They were $8.49. That is, btw, way out of my price range, especially for undies! I carried them around with me as I tried to convince myself that I could survive baby shopping without wasting almost ten bucks on two tiny garments that nobody will ever see. I must have walked around the cuteness aisle for about 20 minutes deciding that I didn't really need them. Then something amazing happened. I spotted them. The same cut, not perfect brown and pink, but still, the perfect undie. It was less than $2. I peeled the cutie-patutie package out of my hand, reluctantly placed it on the nearest rack, and ran. I managed to spend less than five dollars on self-medicating and it doesn't even come with a bad aftertaste or a headache tomorrow.

SO... for all of you who don't know me personally, laugh at my ridiculousness. For those of you who do know me, pretend you never read this! It was a free confession! Pretend you are a priest and you have taken an oath to not judge me for my crazy weirdness.