orthodontowha???

This morning I stepped through the pristine gates doors of Meadow Valley Orthodontics, received my paperwork to fill out from one of 7 smiling, brown scrub-wearing employees, sat my booty into a leather couch facing a mounted, inset 32-inch widescreen LED tv, surrounded by a beautiful shelving unit filled with wicker baskets which were, in turn, filled with toys and books and I thought to myself, "Self, you cannot afford this orthodontist." (I realize--run-on sentence. Thank you Miss Tweed. Third grade wouldn't have been the same without you.)

As I filled out the paperwork I mused about an orthodontist that I could afford. He would surely operate out of the bottom level of his home. It'd be kind of like a mullet--you know, business in the front, party in the back. Except that by "front" I mean lower level and "back" I mean upper level apartment. Then an even more affordable orthodontics rig ran through my mind, quite literally. It'd be a "mobiledontics." Kind of like a bookmobile, you know... or even a trailer. I'm picturing something kind of like a horse trailer or a small refrigerated unit, only without the cold. It'd be one of those silver metal jobs with a roll-up sliding door at the back. They'd let down a ramp and you'd haul yourself right into the "consulting office" separated from the "reception area" and "business office" by only a divider meant for a cubicle. I could afford that kind of orthodontics.

You'd think Meadow Valley wanted me to promise them 5 years of indentured labor or the birthrights of my first son.

Well, I haven't lost hope yet. I'm getting a second opinion. Heck, I'll even get a third or fourth one if I have to! Things can't be all that bad. As a matter of fact, I've heard good things about this place called Odontologia Guadalupe de la Virgen de las Nieves. They say they only charge 140 pesos per visit, so I think I'm in luck!