hola!

Hola, from sunny rainy Puerto Rico! The temperature here is beautiful! My friend's baby is beautiful (that's an actual picture I took of her cute little feet); she herself is beautiful. I can't really say her husband is beautiful. It just sounds awkward and wrong. He's cool, though! :D

Well, I'm sorry now that my countdown to 100 was supposed to be milestones. I chose an awful time to supposedly write about milestones, because I haven't really written about any. And, actually, by "milestone" I just really meant "memory that sticks out in my mind." Now I don't even want to write about that for my 99th post. I just want to write about Puerto Rico!

So it rained today and yesterday, but I don't really care, because it's enough to just have the windows open and to wear sandals. I only hope that there will be time to go to the beach and get, at least, a little sun. I can't go back to Minnesota completely white, like I am now.

So this is completely off the subject, but it's in my mind right now, so I want to write about it. I have this friend who always seems to be one step behind me in every bad decision that I make. If I date a schmuck one year, she dates one the next. If I let my faith go cold and make bad decisions (aka getting drunk, hanging out in questionable places with questionable people), she

later does the same. It's not that she is following my example. She lives half-way around the world. But she does always seem to make the same bad choices. I wish I could save her from all the pain I experienced as a result of my bad decisions. I don't want her to spend a year picking up all the pieces like I have. I don't want her to live under constant guilt of decisions past. I don't want her to fight temptations she never had before.

But what can I do? Really, apart from telling her not to do what I've done, there's nothing I can do. She has to make that choice on her own. She has to decide what she wants for her own life and follow that path.

Before I dated (and loved) a guy who didn't share my faith, morals, or even treat me well, I didn't know what I really wanted in a man. Before I got drunk, I never knew how awful it was to wake up with a hangover. Before I gave myself away, I never knew what pain it was to be cheated on or used. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I didn't want.

What I'm trying to say is that maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Granted, it would have been better to just follow the guidebook (yes, reference to the Bible) and not make the mistake in the first place. But now I really know. I am a stronger person for failing and hurting and breaking. I made the choices that shattered my heart, but God is the one who put the pieces back together afterward. So while I can't say that I'm not better off now, I can say that I would recommend not doing what I did (do, will do). Ugh. That's the problem with being human. You will always make mistakes.

So what do I do about my friend? She knows what is right and wrong. And besides, how am I supposed to tell her something about things that I have done myself? I know I will continue to make mistakes in my future, and I do even now. I'm not perfect, for goodness sake!

Well, post #99 did cover some milestones--aka memories that stand out in my mind. Anyway, Puerto Rico is great and I never want to leave! I love you readers! Leave me a comment with your advice about my friend.

how long?

El amor es un error lamentable. 

It's true, love is an unfortunate mistake, and those who fall into its trap will spend the rest of their lives contemplating the many truths of that statement. Oh sure, there are the few who find true love right away, but the rest of us make mistake after  mistake after mistake. 

So now what? How do I forget? I have been so unsuccesful so far. When I think about it, I am just overwhelmed. How can I still feel so much loss? How can I still feel that I love him? After everything I've seen in him and hated, how do I still see so much that I loved? And how, HOW do I let go? How do I forget? When will it stop hurting?

I asked my mom those same questions. She said when I find someone new. Well, I guess that excludes forcing a new "someone" into your life, cuz that sure didn't help me. Now all I have are more platos rotos, bad memories. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I set a date and I knew that I would be ok after that date. I would still miss him, yes, but I would be ok. It wouldn't be such a big deal anymore. Well, that term of six months is fast approaching its completion date and I am still feeling the same things. Why can't I just get over this, Lord? What is the wrong thing that I am focusing on? 

Oh how I wish I had been one of the few. The few that makes the right choices and doesn't have regrets in the end... Of course, that breed of human is non-existent, isn't it? We all make mistakes; we all have regrets. Good thing the arms of the only one who understands me completely are still open to recieve me, even when the term is up and I am still broken.