It's been almost a year since I started my bloggy journey and a lot has changed. Jordan no longer lives next door. I miss his rooftop melodies that this blog was named for. I never had a chance to really talk to Jordan, but sometimes I dreamed of being his friend; of stretching out next to him on the roof adjacent to his apartment as he strummed softly on his guitar. I wish we had become friends. I think we would have had fun.

I don't cry very much now. Maybe I've moved on. Actually, I know I have. It hasn't been as much as I would have liked, but every step counts. I'm happy now. I have no complaints. I have many fears, but I know my life is good and I can't help but be thankful for the blessings I experience. Sometimes I even remind myself that it is possible to be thankful for the failures, too. See, I would never be who I am today were it not for my mistakes. Every misstep has impacted my life in such a way that I have to change. I have to see something new about myself every time I fall. I have learned that the world is not always good or kind, but this life is worth it.

I still struggle, don't get me wrong. There's not a day that goes by when I don't think, "Will I ever be in love? Is there somebody out there for me? Will I have the chance to have my own family?" It's all I've ever dreamed of, the only end I've ever strived for. I hope, but don't hold my breath. I know. That sounds over dramatic. Well, it might be, but there's no sense in holding out for something that may or may not happen. And heck, maybe my day will come, but it might not be for another 5 years. There's no need to live every day hoping for something that's still not on the horizon.

Now as my blog approaches it's first birthday I think of where I've been and how far I've come. Rooftop melodies will soon be moving from the window of my second story apartment to the window of my second floor room in a huge 5 bedroom house. Soon I'll stare out upon a yard full of grass and the sparse foliage that comes with a newer development. But the song won't change. So stay tuned. Spring is in full bloom and summer love is just around the corner. Oh, and I'll need you to help me celebrate rooftop melodies' first birthday.

dreams of flying

Well, so far nothing has happened. I facebooked him last week and we had a short convo going on, but then it just dropped off and he never responded. That was last Wednesday. And like they say on He's Just Not That Into You, if he likes you, he will make it happen. The rest is up to you (the girl). And although, at first, he said he wanted to spend more time with me (seemed like he was interested) he hasn't really shown any interest lately, so I guess I'll just let it go.

My mom keeps saying that "at least this is encouraging for me." But I'm not really sure that I'm encouraged. In a way, I'm kind of relieved that he doesn't seem to be interested, because I'm so afraid to get into another relationship. On the other hand, I'm really sad about still being single. I want so much to have somebody who loves me, wants to be with me, thinks I'm beautiful, and wants to have a family with me. I can't even imagine that ever being true. It's almost like dreaming of flying.

So I don't really know what else to say. At least he looked my way for a moment, but I'm not sure I'm encouraged by that. I saw the Ex today and my eyes danced when they met his because, in my heart, I was laughing at him. I'm free. I'm the lucky one. And that is encouraging to me!

beautiful

When I see you

I run out of words to say

I wouldn't leave you

Cuz you're that type of girl,

To make me stay...

The words drift out of the radio and into my ears.

You're so beautiful, so damn beautiful.

Catchy tune. Catchy lyrics. But are you stinking kidding me? This song is riduculous.

Can I be your baby father?

Girl I just wanna show you

that I love what you're doin' hun.

Can this song be serious? Is he actually insinuating that because some chic's legs look good while she's dancing in the club, he would never leave her and he would be the father of her children? What's wrong with this picture? But wait, there's more. The song goes on...

I'ma spend them grands on you

But after you undress

Not like a hooker

But more like a princess...

So what is beauty, then, according to Akon? Love? Sex? A "waistline that makes his soldier salute?" Gosh, screw beautiful then. I'd rather be ugly and be with an ugly man who doesn't expect me to stay perfect forever, because, heaven knows, things start sagging, wrinkles form, weight adds on and beauty doesn't last. And is this what guys mean when they tell me I'm beautiful? Is "beautiful" really just a synonym for "I wanna sleep with you"?

And where would one find love? Is it something you spot from across the club? Is it a booty you just can't keep your eyes off of? Well tell me then, what happens when my booty sags and gets fat!?! Am I no longer worthy of love? And seriously, does anybody really buy this crap?

This song makes me scared. I hope guys don't actually believe the garbage wrapped up in a catchy tune by a big star and a sexy music video. And if people really do believe this, no wonder that half of all marriages end in divorce. People have a seriously screwed up view of love in the first place. No surprises, then, that it doesn't pan out.

So comments... Is this for real? Are there people who actually believe this? Should I scar my face and wear mu-mus from now on so I don't become a victim of the "booty call that turns into marriage" mentality? What is wrong with this picture?

the showdown

Everything I know of love is just a game of quick-draw.

Twelve paces then turn on the count of three.

Whoever dies first loses...

I want nothing to do with it.