Monday, June 29, 2009

totally awkward tuesday

Totally Awkward Tuesday is the brilliant idea of Tova Darling which you can find at TheSecret Life of Tova Darling. This is my first t.a.t. and I have been wracking my mind for awkward situations for weeks now so that I too could participate in the fun. Hope you enjoy, and be sure to comment!

So this story all starts with a blind date. I know, perfect recipe for an awkward situation. First, we were set up by a coworker of mine. He said he had a brother my age, a nice guy with a good job. So... I gave him my number.

Brian (that's what we'll call him) called me a few days later. We were going to go out for coffee... very low key, right? What is the harm in a coffee date? Well, that would have been great, except that Brian calls me on the big day and tells me the coffee shop he wanted to go to would be closed by the time I got off work. So we had to do the actual "out to dinner" date.


I walked into the restaurant where we were to meet. Hmmmm... It was an old people restaurant! Our collective age was still younger than the median age there. Anyway, Brian was already there and the first thing that I noticed about him was that he was a big guy! I'm not necessarily saying that he's fat, I'm just sayin BIG. Like 6'5" or so. Oh, and he was a little on the hefty side.

Well, we got to talking (at least I didn't have a problem with that). That's when things took a turn for the worse. I realized that Brian had a mental checklist. He was going through, point by point. It was... an interview... for the position of potential wife. This freaked me out. Here are some of his questions:

-What do you like to do in your free time? (not a weird question, but that is an exact quote)
-Where do you see yourself in the future?
-What are your goals?
-Do you like kids? (not in so many words)
And last but not least:

-Do you cook?

Ok, it was a little more subtle than that, but not much. He asked what kinds of foods I would make if I was just cooking for myself. I told him mac and cheese. He said "Check waiter." Well, he at least thought it. I could hear his thoughts, seriously.

But not only did he interview me, he also was sure to sell himself well. Here are some statements from Brian:

-I like to take the opportunity to enjoy the fresh air riding my Harley Davidson motorcycle. (quote)
-I enjoy taking care of my property.
-I like to spend time with my neices and nephews.
-I like to eat. (that was the gist)
-I own a house.
-I have a good job.

And you know I was scared. This man was looking for a wife. I was not looking to be his wife. I was also weirded out at the text message he sent me afterward.

"I had a good time today. You are a very lovely young lady."

We never went out again. I'm pretty sure I didn't pass the interview. And even if I had, I don't think I would have accepted the position.

Be sure to comment on my first t.a.t. This one was a little choppy, I know. Well, there's a first time for everything. You too can participate. Check out Secret Life of Tova Darling.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

the showdown

Everything I know of love is just a game of quick-draw.
Twelve paces then turn on the count of three.
Whoever dies first loses...

I want nothing to do with it.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

you'll poke your eye out

Great advice is passed down from generation to generation... It is generally unaccepted until one has proginy of their own, and it then becomes immediate truth. Or at least worth repeating. This is especially true among the female race. And I do mean race... Men are a different breed altogether. I'm sure I will never understand them. I think the problem is that they are much simpler than we give them credit for. You need never read into a male's actions. There is no deeper meaning.

Anyway, I am reminded of this because yesterday I rode my bike with flip-flops on. And even before mounting the thing, I heard my mother's voice in my head, "You should never ride a bike barefoot or with flip-flops. My cousin Barbie's friend's sister lost her toe because of that!" Every mother knows somebody who knows somebody who lost a toe because it got caught in the bike chain while wearing inadequate footwear.

I rode the bike anyway. I don't know anybody who's lost a toe.

That brings me to all the other tid-bits of wisdom:
If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you?
How many times have I told you?
What part of "no" don't you understand?
Because I said so.
You'll poke your eye out.
Your face will freeze like that.
Don't sit too close to the TV. It'll ruin your eyes.
Be home by nine.
If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times...

There are more, I know. What's scary, though, is not that I remeber these things, but that I have found myself, on occasion, repeating them. I'm not old enough for this! Or better said, I don't have children! I'm still supposed to be fun, right? I'm afraid I'm becoming my mother... (no offense, Mom :)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

small town snapshot sunday

Well, this is an idea I got from On the Front Porch, a blog that I have started following. It's a good idea, so I thought I'd participate.

I realize it's hardly Sunday anymore, and the day might actually be officially over by the time I get this post out, but as I spend the day in a small town (no internet access) I didn't have time to
get it out earlier. Next time I'll write it in advance...

Well, southern Minnesota has seen plenty of excitement over the last week. Excitement we could do without. Here is some of the damage that was left behind after the tornados passed our way.

It's always amazing to me how one tree can be left untouched and the one right next to it is demolished, or how one side of the street is completely wiped out and the other side looks like it never even knew a tornado was there. And doesn't it really get you how just hours after a storm passes through, the sun is shining, bird are singing, but the whole world looks like it has been shaken like a snow globe. Everything changes but everything moves on. I will never understand it.

The good news is that not too many houses were damaged. Looks like the park got the worst of it. Thank God. Also, nobody was seriously injured, that I know of, and that's the most important thing.

Well, I guess even summer, my love, has its downfalls. Oh well, nobody's perfect.

Small Town Snapshot Sunday

Saturday, June 20, 2009

the best things

It's Saturday again. Time for my Saturday ritual. That is, of course, the time when I sit in front of the television on the blue loveseat and post something interesting and unique on my blog. Either that or I just pump out some ramblings of a bored, single twenty-something.

Today I am watching one of the best comedies ever made: The Andy Griffith Show. I love it. Barney Fife is my favorite. Well, at least the way in which the whole town, especially Andy, tiptoes around Barney's stupidity in order to make him feel good about himself. He's bumbling, fumbling, self important, and occasionally a little too big for his britches. Aunt Bea is my other favorite character. I love how she constantly complains about being overworked, but
then when she doesn't have anything to do, she feels
unneeded. There was one episode where she leaves Andy and Opie to fend for themselves. They make a terrible
mess of things and don't wash or clean anything the whole week. Finally the day comes when Aunt Bea will be returning and they clean the whole place within an inch of its life. Then Andy thinks better of the situation, know that Aunt Bea will feel like she's not needed if she finds out they can take care of themselves. So they mess the whole house up again. Aunt Bea gets home and scolds them unendingly. Andy knew, though, that it was the better thing.

Another Saturday ritual is cleaning/cooking. I know, it doesn't happen often... But what did happen is that my friend had her baby this week (number 4 in 6 years!) and I thought she may need some Ghiradelli double chocolate fudge topped brownies. I don't know what it feels like to have a baby or anything of the sort, but if there's one thing that can fix anything, it's brownies. I know, this will be the last time probably, since she'll want to be on a strict weight-loss to return to pre-prego body regimin, but still, brownies are a great gift. I think I'll buy some diapers too. She already has everything else she needs, I think, since thsi is baby #4 and cousin #14...

Speaking of domestic, Susie-homemakerish activities (like baking and cleaning) I ran out of laundry detergent the other day. So yesterday I bought another container. I wasn't quite sure if I had already bought detergent or not, though. So I checked in the laundry room. Turns out that's the second container of the exact same detergent that I have bought in one week's time. Now there are 5 women living in this apartment, and that's a lot of women, but as i was looking in the laundry room, I realized that 5 women do not warrent 27 containers of laundry detergent. And in light of my recent absent-mindedness, I think that approxamately 31% of those containers are mine. Well, I'm sure I'll have very clean clothes for many months to come. Either that or I'll just buy some more detergent...

Friday, June 19, 2009

death by pilates

One of my co-workers started working out. She's always talking about how well she feels now and how much more energy she has and how much better she sleeps, etc. Well, all her rantings and ravings about exercising have made me jealous. SO... Athletic Roomie and I put on our tennies, threw in a cardio-pilates DVD and got our groove on.

After flailing my body around the living room for an hour, my muscles were screaming at me. Even muscles I didn't know I had were hating on me. Apparently there is a muscle called the hip flexor (Athletic Roomie said so). I didn't know hip flexors could hurt so much. So really, just how much exercising do you have to do before you start to feel great?

Well, I don't know if exercise can kill you, but I'm not sure I want to risk it... I can see the headlines now, "Woman Dies in Freak Pilates Accident." And I don't know about you, but I personally don't want to be a statistic. I supposed I could give it another try though. I'll keep you posted.

storm chaser extraordinaire

So yesterday right at the end of our prayer meeting, the neighbor came up to the church and told us we should get into the basement. There was a bad storm coming up. Well, I went to the basement and huddled with the women and children… for a few minutes. Then I decided that was not for me. How could I stand to be stuck in the basement when there was a perfectly interesting storm to be watched. I went outside to see the biggest, blackest could. You could see the rotation in it, and it was moving fast. I, being the good amateur wannabe photographer that I am, ran inside to get my camera. The neighbors were coming out of their houses to watch the excitement, and I followed.

The storm was gaining fury and moving fast, blowing breakers and tearing down power lines and anything else in its way. It moved farther and farther from the church. That’s when I decided it was time for me to go. Time to get a little closer to that storm.

Really I didn’t think it was that bad. It was moving fast toward the east and I figured it would be gone by the time I got out of town. I called my dad, the storm chaser (he really is) and told him what I was looking at.

“Is there any rotation in the clouds?” he asked.

“Um… yeah. They’re moving alright. Wow, they sure are low. I can’t believe how low they are.” I replied. That was enough to make my dad nervous, which in turn made me nervous. I decided it was ok for me to get away from that storm and head toward the west, where I live.

I made my way down the highway, only to find that all the cars ahead of me were stopping. I rolled down my window and asked a truck stopped between lanes what was going on. “The storm took out the power lines. They’re down on the road. We can’t get out this way.” I turned my car around and headed back into the storm.

I, of course, was taking videos all the way… I couldn’t let an opportunity to capture one of nature’s great displays of fury get away from me. I headed out of town through the worst of the weather into mostly clear skies. It was smooth sailing for about 15 miles. And then…

Apparently the storm system had changed directions. We met again. This time I was scared. There were fire trucks with sirens blaring everywhere. The cloud was huge, black, and threateningly low to the ground. The air was calm and still; it was just barely sprinkling. I threw caution to the wind and sped through town at break-neck speeds of 45 mph (hey, the limit is 30... It was a daring move).

Only after I got home and started to watch the news did I realize what a storm I had seen. They hadn’t even begun to asses the damage. It was suspected that three tornadoes touched down in town. Today I drove by one of the areas that was hardest hit. Power lines were down everywhere. There was a house with an upside-down car plopped on top of the garage; a business with no roof, no walls. Trees were completely uprooted. Amazing. The storm was so powerful and yet the sun was now shining, the birds were singing. All at once everything had changed. Some were affected greatly, others not at all.

And still… the storm taunted me, “I’ll be back. Come closer next time… I’ll show you what I can do. See with your own eyes.” And so was born…

(drum roll please…)

The Storm Chaser Extraordinaire

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

armchair critic

I do believe I could be a great help to marketing specialists everywhere. I am, as a matter of fact, one of the best commercial critics (in my opinion) ever. I can tell you a good commercial (I want it) a bad commercial (I don't want it) a great commercial (I want it and I have absolutely no use for it) and a terrible commercial (I refuse to buy it even though I like the product).

An example of a great commercial: I think it was for a BMW or a Mercedes. The car was beautiful, black, sleek, and fast. And it was about three times my gross yearly income. I had to have one. I wanted the car so bad. The commercial created in me an irresistable (well, only in the sense that I wanted it a lot, but could never have it) desire in me that needed to be fulfilled.

Here's a terrible commercial: Light and Fit yogurt. A girl goes shopping. She's wearing this super tight top and has annoyingly blond hair. She's throwing cup after cup of yogurt into her cart, then
she just can't resist one moment longer. She grabs a container of yogurt, tears off the lid, sucks the whole thing dry, then licks her upper lip, touches her face (with bedroom eyes, no less), then smiles this kinky/sexy smile. It's gross. I like yogurt (I'm alergic to it and it makes me feel sick, but that's beside the point), but I won't buy Light and Fit. Oh, and HOM furniture should know that their advertisements bother the heck out of me! If I need a 5-piece bedroom set or an imported rug someday, you can be sure that I will never go to HOM. (Word to the wise: background music that makes the listener want to scratch their ears out of working condition is never a selling point.)

Then there are just good commercials, like pretty much anything that has to do with food that will one day clog my arteries beyond recognition. Of course, I am the consumer to end all consumers. A good commercial will make me run out of my house in leggings (shudder) with no makeup on at midnight to buy some product (usually fast food) that I don't need. A good commercial will also simmer in my mind waiting for the right time to work its wiley magic (on the off-chance that I didn't bolt from my perch on the couch). Kentucky Grilled Chicken is a great example of the simmering commercial. Unthink Lunch. Dang they're good!

Bad ones are forgetable. Not much more I can say about that. I don't remember! Sometimes I'll watch an entire commercial and not know what the product being advertised was. I've even watched an advert (as my British aunt calls them) several times and never heard a word that was said.

Well, that sums up my discussion on the importance of good marketing. If you are a marketing expert and you are reading this and you really need a good critic, I can fill that position for you. I'll make your advertising dollars work for you! Especially if you promise me a year's supply of free greasy goodness (and a gym membership).

Monday, June 15, 2009

the world is my oyster

So I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life. I know, I should know this by now, since I'm in my mid-twenties, but I'm just finally coming around to that determination. You know, sometimes these things are a long time coming. I was talking about this with a friend some time ago. He asked me when I was younger, say high school, where I saw myself at this age. Truth is, I always thought that I would have been married by the time I was about 23, having kids by the time I was 25. Well, I'll be 25 in 10 days and I don't even have a boyfriend. Funny how things happen, huh? I'm not saying that my life is bad or even good. This is just how it is, and I accept that, but it's definately time to come with a new plan.

And that is exactly what I've been doing. Well, trying to anyway. First I made an internet search (how did people function before the web of wonderful awesomeness??) of all of the things I was interested in, namely Spanish and interpretation/translation. Then I looked up schools in areas that I liked. Unfortunately none of the schools in Texas really grabbed my attention. Then I found a University in New Jersey. I thought, "What's in Jersey?" and then I pictured a character from the Simpsons saying "claaam chowda." Then I giggled. Ok, well, I will skip all of the rest of the play-by-play details and just give you the outcome. I may be enrolling in an MA program for Spanish interpretation and translation in NJ.

Can you believe I want to go back to school? I always said that I would never go back to school again. And now? I want to go back to school! How crazy is that?! Well, I feel kind of hopeful about the whole situation. I can't wait to get away from here and all the memories. I can't wait to start my life over. I hope everything works out, but I guess I'll just wait and see.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

funny stories from work

So I was thinking about all the guys who have hit on me at work. Alot of them are funny, so I decided to publish some of them on my blog. Here goes:
You-Will-Date-Me Guy
So this one guy, Curtis, came in. Since I work with all of these people and really, I work for them, you know, I have to help them. Also, I think its just good to be nice, and I like to joke around with people to keep things interesting. Apparently some guys totally interpret that as flirting, or coming on to them, or even that I am madly in love with them. Curtis is one of those guys.

I think it all started with me somehow offering to hook him up with some coffee. This prompted Curtis to buy me some chocolate from the cafeteria. I think that in his mind this meant that I was into him. He asked me where the picture of my boyfriend was on my desk. I don't have a boyfriend, but I told him that it wasn't there. The statement was true. There was no picture of my boyfriend on my desk, because there was no boyfriend. Curtis didn't need to know that. He expressed his dissappointment at the "fact" that I had a boyfriend and hoped that I would get rid of him.

I tried to ignore his advances, but he continued to come into the office. He told me I didn't want to be his girlfriend now, but I would. He pretty much told me that I would be his girl, like it or not. Ugh... TURNOFF!!! Wanna know another turnoff? How about the time he came in asking for the day off because he had to go to court to testify against his baby mama because she tried to kill him wiht a pair of scissors? OK, so now I totally do not want to get involved with Mr. Drama King. Finally one day he just tells me, "If you want me to leave you alone, I will. Just say the word." So I said the word.

He still likes me, I can tell. But he doesn't bother me anymore, and that's cool.

You're-as-Pretty-as-your-Gloves Guy

Being as our office space is relatively small, but has a heating/cooling system made for a large warehouse environment, the temperature control is very often far from comfortable. That is the reason why I have fingerless gloves. They are moderately ratty, pink and brown striped gloves. One particularly cold day in the office, I was wearing said gloves. This is the time Isaias told me that my gloves were very pretty. I, being the nice person that I am, said "thank you." To which he, in turn said, "Igual como tu." Translation: Same as you are. Wow, what a compliment. I am as pretty as my ratty, gross,, fingerless gloves.

But wait! There's more! Isaias has made other smooth comments to me. Like the time he asked me when I was going to take him out. I thought the guy was supposed to ask the girl out... I guess old times are over. He still claims that I owe him supper. He also said he's never been turned down. Hmmmm... Guess there's a first time for everything.

Married-But-Still-Hits-On-Me Guy

So this other guy, I don't even remember his name, comes in to the office to ask for help filling out a voluntary leave request. He tells me that his wife is graduating from high school. Yeah, you heard right--high school! That, of course, is beside the point. On my desk there is a picture of me kissing my nephew. This prompts a lot of men to ask if that is my kid. Understandable. Then they procede to ask if I have kids. I say no. They ask why not. I say because there are no good guys. Well, this is exactly what happened with married guy. Only he kept pushing the "you should have kids" thing. He asks my name, my age, if I have a boyfriend, why I don't have a boyfriend... I'm not sure if this is flirting, but it seems strangely suspicious to me...

You-Know-What-I-Want Guy

Yet another married man... well, he at least has a girlfriend and a child with her. Married enough for me. Leroy has always liked me since I started two years ago. He has also always had a girlfriend. I never paid much attention to Leroy, but we are sort of platonic work friends. The other day Leroy comes into the office. He just kind of stands there. So I ask him if I can help him with anything. Leroy says I know what he wants. I laugh at him and tell him it'll never happen. Then I remind him that he's married and kick him out of the office.

Creepy-Old Guy

I was training for a new position with the creeper, Chris. His real name is Gay. That doesn't have anything to do with anything, except that his name is gross. Anyway, Chris has this weird way of just staring at me without saying anything. I wasn't super creeped out by Chris until the white tee shirt comment. Here's the story.

All of the girls in the office had just bought these company shirts. They were white with pink collars and sleeves. I said something to Chris about them. He told me the only thing I needed was to step into the shower. Shudder! I now avoid Chris at every, every chance possible!

I'm sure there are more stories... I just can't remember them now. If they are good enough, I will post them too. I'm sure they're be more. Just don't let my dad read this!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

rain, rain

So here I am, sitting on the loveseat in our front living room, just wasting my time... It's Saturday and I can do that, right? But, if you've read my other posts, you know how hard Saturdays can be sometimes. The worst thing is being alone all day, and I am again today. 

Well, I guess this morning hasn't been a complete waste. I woke up around 9:30 and brushed my teeth. I didn't even put my contacts on, but instead decided to spend some time with my best friend (this computer, lol). Anyway, I have been trying to find, on the mavelous world wide web, a niche just perfect for my life. Result: about 130,000,000. How am I supposed to know when I am given so many answers?? Grrrr... I guess google does not have the answers to all of life's questions. Unfortunately.

It's freezing outside and it has been raining all day and all night last night. I guess that's good, because we need rain, but it doesn't do much for my Saturday plans (snickers... what plans??). Well, if I did have plans, I would have not liked this rain, so... yeah! And, just to be honest, I'm not a huge fan even though I don't have plans. Despite all my complaining about this nasty weather, I have not moved my lazy butt from its place on the couch to even so much as close the wide-0pen windows. I have not turned on the light in this room (I'm going green) even though it's quite dark in here. I have also not even showered today! YUCK! 

Well, this post was about as productive as my morning, over-all. And since it is almost noon, and I have yet to even change out of my sweats, I think I will remove myself from my perch on the loveseat and get started with this day. I'll be back later, so don't worry (Mom, since you are the only one who reads this). I'm going to write a little introduction to myself later. Oh, I know, you are on the edge of your seats (or seat, more accurately). 

Monday, June 1, 2009

how long?

El amor es un error lamentable. 

It's true, love is an unfortunate mistake, and those who fall into its trap will spend the rest of their lives contemplating the many truths of that statement. Oh sure, there are the few who find true love right away, but the rest of us make mistake after  mistake after mistake. 

So now what? How do I forget? I have been so unsuccesful so far. When I think about it, I am just overwhelmed. How can I still feel so much loss? How can I still feel that I love him? After everything I've seen in him and hated, how do I still see so much that I loved? And how, HOW do I let go? How do I forget? When will it stop hurting?

I asked my mom those same questions. She said when I find someone new. Well, I guess that excludes forcing a new "someone" into your life, cuz that sure didn't help me. Now all I have are more platos rotos, bad memories. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I set a date and I knew that I would be ok after that date. I would still miss him, yes, but I would be ok. It wouldn't be such a big deal anymore. Well, that term of six months is fast approaching its completion date and I am still feeling the same things. Why can't I just get over this, Lord? What is the wrong thing that I am focusing on? 

Oh how I wish I had been one of the few. The few that makes the right choices and doesn't have regrets in the end... Of course, that breed of human is non-existent, isn't it? We all make mistakes; we all have regrets. Good thing the arms of the only one who understands me completely are still open to recieve me, even when the term is up and I am still broken. 
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