totally awkward tuesday

Well, here I am again, and for once, I don't have a story in mind... But never fear, there are always awkward stories on hand when I am here, and I am pretty sure I'm here, so... (drum roll please)...

I present to you the ever repetitious...

I Didn't Know Someone Was There

I say that this story is ever repetitious (I'm not sure if that's a word, but it is in my dictionary!) because it repeats itself on at least a weekly basis. The usual story is that I'm sitting at work, making jokes about something with the girls, and then I decide to make some sort of a funny comment. This funny comment is usually for girl ears only. Or eyes for that matter... That brings me to moment #1

The Bend and Snap

You have all seen Legally Blonde right? Well, you know Elle Wood's classic move, the "Bend and Snap" in which you bend over with your botty high in the air, only to return to standing position in a quick snapping motion ending the whole thing with your hand perched noticably under your boob, in order to draw the most attention with the least amount of effort to your womanly assets. I realize that was a gigantic run on sentence, and every fiber of my grammatical right brain (or is that left brain) is telling me that I need to change it. But I think it was necessary to convey the entire concept of the "Bend and Snap". I really do. Run-on sentence stays.

Anyway, now that we are all well versed in the attention-getting move, you need to know that I decided to perform this act in a fit of silliness while at work.

"Beeeeend and SNAP," I said in an inapropriately loud voice. "Heeheehee," I chuckled. Then I turned around.

There was Accounting Guy sitting in Payroll Lady's office. WHAT WAS HE DOING THERE?! Yes, Accounting Guy had been privy to the whole scene.

Every story ends the same. I turn several new and exciting shades of red and slink over to my desk and sit down and shut up.

They're Not Cheeks!

During yet another silly moment at work with the girls, I somehow ended up sitting on my friend's desk. She said in Spanish, "Quita tus cachetes de mi escritorio!" or "Get your cheeks of my desk!" I, being the dum-diddly-do that I am, burst out with a boisterious, "Estos no son cachetes, mija, son nalgas!"

Translation: "These aren't cheeks, girl, they're buttocks!"

Immediate response: too much laughter. "Lupe's in his office" my friend managed to pant at me between laughs. Yet again, I turned various shades of red, maybe even purple.

Lupe came out of his office with the "You are definately crazy" look on his face. I said something about them putting up a sign with an "in/out" flip-board on it, so that I would know when not to say stupid things. It probably wouldn't be effective, though... There's little hope for me.

Oh and speaking of buttocks...

You're Welcome... but Not to These!

In Spanish de nada means "you're welcome." Nada sounds an awfully lot like a really funny word, nalga. We just learned the meaning of that one. I'm sure you can see where this is going... SO, if you want to be really funny, instead of saying de nada when somebody tells you "thank you" you will say de nalga. Literally translated: "from my butt cheeks."

Working Mom told me thank you for something. I (after a quick glance over the counter, just to see if anybody was sitting over there. Nobody was, so I felt safe.) shouted out de nalga!

Oops.

There was a man sitting over in front of Hiring Lady's office. He stared at me. Alot. I think he felt that I had mentioned my booty, so it was fair game. He took staring to a new creepy level. I tried glaring at him. No luck. I hid in the corner, then came back. He continued to stare. I needed to do some filing, so I turned my back to him. Staring even more!!

At last I put on a long jacket, to reduce the staring quotient. Finally he left. This time the red face was out of annoyance with Staring Man's creepiness.

There are more stories, so many more. I'm sure the girls could tell you... I put my foot in my mouth at quite often. But I will spare you the rest. Besides, I need my beauty sleep so I can go embarrass myself some more at work tomorrow. Have a great Tuesday and go post your own awkward story at Nina's Theories.