oh God, I'm never having a child!

I KINDA FEEL LIKE THIS TOO RIGHT NOW...

I don't know what got into me, but as I was laying here on my bed, I decided I would like to see what the birth of a child looked like. So I typed "vaginal birth" into youtube.com and saw pretty much the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. I can't imagine! No really, I can't.

I want to vomit.

I want a stiff drink.

I never want to poop out a potroast in front of 20 people and a video camera.

I probably want to have a family more than anything... some day.

I can't believe what mothers go through to have those little bundles of joy. And even though my face is frozen in an unending state of shock right now, I'm sure it's worth it... Possibly. Ten centimeters is very big. And my baby-daddy better not have big heads running in his family.

I should take a picture of my face right now. Seriously. Horror is the only word that can describe my state of mind currently. I am speechless in a not-so-speechless sort of way.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I totally cannot relate. That whole giant child-stuffed-into-woman's-abdomen just doesn't seem so appealing. But at the same time I am completely jealous. I want to have a family and children too! But the horror of childbirth is completely taking my breath away. Still. It's been a solid ten minutes since I saw the video and my mouth is still hanging open.

Mothers who are reading this, my hat's off to you. Maybe someday I'll join your rank. You are amazing. You went through all of that to have a whining, crying, ungrateful, wonderful, amazing, loving, little, big, 18-year commitment with never-ending bonds. I applaude and stand in awe of every single mother who goes through all that (and seriously, it's only the very, very beginning) and still does it all on her own, whether she wants to or not.

Wow. It's all I can say.