i'm back

I haven't written a post on this blog in almost two years. Maybe because I just didn't feel compelled to or maybe because there didn't seem to be anything compelling going on in my life. But that's not true. I promise you, my life has been a roller coaster since April 2011. I haven't written here because I didn't want to face the last two years. I didn't want to give it importance. I didn't want it to be real....

But it is real.

I feel like those hoarders you see on tv. Except that my house isn't a mess. As a matter of fact it's pristine (wait, don't look in my room! I never put the clean laundry away lol.) Anyway, my living room is pristine. I just cleaned and dusted and vacuumed and washed and made everything nice and pretty. So why do I feel like a hoarder? Because for so long I have been hiding behind every conceivable self medication. Name it. Name something that would numb pain. I've done it. I promise. There probably isn't a category of numbness I haven't tried. But all those numbing agents failed.

So here I am again, feeling.

For the past few years instead of making New Year's resolutions (that I will fail to keep) I set a few goals for the next year. Things like "see the ocean" and "run six 5k races." I don't always follow through on them (I only ran two 5k's last year) but I don't feel bad, because they were goals and if I didn't get to all of them, then there's always next year.

This year I added to the goals model in the form of some do's and don'ts. Now I'm not trying to be all legalistic on myself, setting up commandments so I'll feel guilty when I break them; just some guidelines. Things like, "don't leave dishes in the sink for more than one night" and "do drink more water." Great, right? Well, I found the list of guidelines tonight whilst cleaning. I decided to post them on the fridge so they would be more easily viewed. That's when I saw it: "don't watch more than 45 min of tv per night." Good one. I've been following that pretty well. Watching hours of tv is nothing more than wasted time. I thought of that in advance and counteracted it with a corresponding do: "do listen to the radio." Good idea, right? But listening to the radio can, effectively, be the same as watching tv, wasted time. That's where I added another do to the list and also where I started to feel like an emotional hoarder.

"Do read the Bible every day."

I read it as I posted it to the refrigerator. Why was that so hard to do? I'm a Christian, I teach Sunday school every week, I constantly talk about my faith, but I still find it so hard to read my Bible. How can that be? Then it occurred to me, the Bible is a big book. Sometimes I don't know where to start. There's more than 1000 pages filled with words that will bring up feelings I have been working tirelessly to numb. But tonight I knew it couldn't wait any longer...

...to be continued. (I'm all outta feelings for the moment. Words too.)

moody mcmoodster

The jury's not out on this one--I'm moody today. I'm not really sure why either (unless it has something to do with those three letters P, M, and S). It could be the afore-mentioned or it could be the gloomy weather or it could just be the fact that I have to work until 7 when my mom's surprise birthday party starts at 7. Maybe it's all of the above. Anyway, I'm moody, I'm gloomy, I'm a regular ole' Eeyore today. Maybe I'm even an Oscar the Grouch... And to be more gloomy, I'm not sure anybody even reads this anyway. It's been so long since I was in the loop with my blog and my blogging buddies, I hardly create any traffic for them and hardly get any back. It also doesn't help that most of my blogging buddies have done the exact thing I did--burn out on blogging. For some reason or another, blogging just got to be too much. My creativity was drained and I was left without an interesting thing to say, besides me griping, which, as you can clearly see right now, is not all that interesting.

It's not that I don't have anything to say; it's just that sometimes what's in my heart and mind isn't really all that interesting. Or worse, it isn't something I'm ready to spill... Maybe that doesn't sound like a bad thing, but it is for me. See, writing is my outlet. Without it, I get all bottled up inside. It's just that, I'm not ready to face my fears, insecurities, faults etc and slap 'em out in print. But you have to admit, that's a pretty bold thing for anybody to do. It's not easy to put yourself out there like that. Maybe that's why I don't have a man...

Anyway... I just thought I'd drop a grouchy bomb on ya'lls (if you're even there) and I'll tack on a big "sorry-for-not-visiting-any-other-blogs" on to that as well. haha. I hope your day is better than mine.

something to think about--simpler times

So I  moved to a new apartment, which is good, because house sitting (for the last NINE months) was driving me crazy. I need my own space! Anyway, now I'm at a 6-plex in an actual neighborhood. No more suburbs for me! I'm back in the 'hood! ha ha. Well, you know how it is in apartment-type living. There are lots of families, aka lots of kids! I love kids, and I love to see them have good, old fashioned fun. You know, like riding bikes and playing tag...

That's why it made me smile to see an old-fashioned neighborhood birthday party the other day. I knew something was up when I pulled in the parking area to see that there was a barbecue happening. Mmmmmm... grilled chicken. Furthermore, I knew it was a special day when I walked in the building and smelled some greens frying. But it all made sense when I saw the birthday girl--she was decked out in her prettiest robin's egg blue tee shirt, and had 2 crisp bills pinned to her chest--$10! Of course turning 10 was great, but just imagine how awesome it will be when she turns 20, (or so she thinks now)!

All the kids from the neighborhood were swarming. I didn't see any presents (besides $10) but I did see a lot of happy faces, long into the afternoon. Maybe a great birthday is more about having fun and making memories with your family and besties than it is about presents and Chuck E Cheese and outdoing the Joneses. Hmmmm... something to think about.

something to think about--efficiency

It's trying to be spring here and you know what that means, right? Messes! So as the whole world (in Minnesota) is thawing, they try to clean up the messes that winter has left behind. As I was walking back to work after a quick coffee run last week, I saw a custodian-type worker at a hotel doing just that. He was taking down some wintery/Christmas type greens arrangements that were outside the hotel, but he did it in a way that just made every ounce of my body scream, "Hasn't there got to be a better way to do that?!"

See, he was painstakingly slow. He would take the least amount of greens he could carry, then uproot it from the arrangement, carry it gingerly around the corner of the building and to the dumpster where he would slowly toss it in. Then he would plod back to the front of the building and repeat the process. It was ridiculous. In the 2 minutes I watched him, I thought of 5 different ways he could have finished that job in 1/4 the amount of time it would take him to do it the way he was doing it. For instance, why didn't he just get a large garbage bag, load it up with greens, then carry the whole bag to the dumpster??? How hard is that?

This whole situation lead me to think, that's what makes the difference between him and me. Between them and us... Let me explain.

There are people in this life who think about everything. They decide a good way to do the task at hand, then execute it. They plan ahead, looking for better ways to do it in the future. They accept and embrace change when it's better and more efficient. They get promoted, starting at the bottom and working their way up.

Then there are people who do everything the "easiest" way. If one handful of greens is all they want to muster, then gosh darnit, that's all they're going to carry! Brainstorming is not something they participate in and they never think of a better way. That would require too much effort. They don't get promoted, but remain custodians until their middle aged and wonder why life hasn't given them more.

Hmmmm... something to think about.

introduction

Here's my boy when he was 4 months old or so
and his name was still Emerson. I think he was
born with ears that size! 

I would like to introduce you to the newest member of my family. He has four legs, a wet nose, and shiny black fur. His name was Emerson (yuck!) but we changed that after much deliberation, to Bull's Eye (yes, like the horse from Toy Story). His middle name is Fletcher (just thought of that a few weeks ago) because flecha is the Spanish word for arrow and fletching is the feather part of an arrow. I chose the arrow theme, because what goes in the Bull's Eye? An arrow! ;)

Here he is, growing bigger.

Anyway, he's super cute and sweet. He's a mix between a coon hound and a black lab (I think). He was the runt of the litter and spent the first 4 or 5 months of his life in a shelter. When he was still a little pup, he came down with pneumonia. Now he has trouble breathing when he gets nervous or excited, but that doesn't stop him from playing. He just doesn't run as well as other puppies his age and he needs to take breaks to catch his breath. After his rocky beginnings in the shelter, there was a girl who adopted him, but she was young and going to school as well as working. She wasn't able to care for him. Her parents were fed up and made her find a new home for him. So when he was 7 months old, he came to live with me.

He's a good boy, most of the time. He's a little possessive when it comes to toys or treats. For example, if Kai, the dog I've been watching for a long time, has a bone, Bull's Eye will steal it from him. Even if there are two bones, my dog will sit on one and chew the other. Sometimes he can be a real stinker, but most of the time he's calm to the point of lazy. That's what I like the most about him!

And here he is today! 

He's 10 months now, and still growing, but hopefully not much more. He goes by several aliases, including, but not limited to, Clidesdale, Wheezy, and UnderFoot.He's 50 pounds now and causing me more trouble than I could imagine. I can't find an apartment because of him and his large size, but that's ok. He's worth it. There is one apartment complex that will take us (that's not in a totally bad part of town), so we'll probably be moving there soon.  Well, that's all there is to know about my puppy for now. You'll be hearing more about him in the future though!

well, if you're gonna call...

Now that I work at a call center, I have come up with a list of things that people should know whenever they dial those numbers.

1. Have your stuff straight. So that means, if you need an account number, PIN, employee ID, username, password, claim number or whatever else you could possibly need so that the center can recognize you, then you should have it ready and even enter it into the phone line if requested!
2. Take off your crabby pants! I'm sincerely trying to help you, so don't get fussy with me. I didn't make any of the policies, make your supervisor unreasonable, or send your documents to the wrong address.
3. Don't hang up the receiver in my ear. It hurts! If you're not using a wireless device with an off button, don't drop the receiver down, push the button to hang it up.
4. Don't ever say, "As long as I have you on the phone." That one kills me every time. Even if you are thinking it, just don't say it. It signifies an inarticulate question that has been simmering loosely in the back of mind for way too long, and something that's probably going to make my call 10 minutes longer.
5. Spare me the details. You can say, "I was billed for the wrong procedure," instead of giving me a 10 minute run-down on the current status of your mole. There are other people on the line waiting to speak to a rep, and I don't even care to hear your personal business.
6. Do your research. Don't call with a vague question. With few exceptions, don't call to get all the information you will need to make your decision. Do your research first. Most companies have websites, brochures, and a lot of information you can access in order to educate yourself before you make any commitments. There are not many reps to serve all the clients. At my company, for instance, there are 11 reps to 60,000 clients. Help us out.
7. And last, but not least, listen! If I tell you we will call you in 2 days, don't call back 2 hours later wondering why nobody has called you. If I say your at the wrong place to check on your claim, don't continue to ask about the claim!

So there you have it. An insider's voice on the call center. Do you have any things you would really just like to tell your clients? Go ahead, vent!

i chose neither

So between my head and my heart, I chose neither. And I think that was the best for me. For as much as I was/am ready for a relationship, I wasn't ready for this one. So I walked away.

And I don't feel bad about it.

Just because somebody seemed "perfect" doesn't mean I need to be with him if he is not perfect for me. So it was the shortest relationship of all time-3 weeks. Because if you're always wishing the one you're with were more like, oh say anybody else, then the one you're with is not the right one for you. And if he, after 3 weeks, already tells you you need to learn how to cook and "Why do you need a dog, if you have me?" Hmmm... I got the dog first, so I guess if I have to choose...

Anyway, I spent all this time wondering how I could ever love being single, and without even knowing it, my mind was changed. I guess I'll just have fun and enjoy life until the right one comes along!